Lovemaking Tips for Seniors ?

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

5a. Put extra tape on your toupee, so it doesn’t fall off and scare the hell out of your partner.

6. Use extra Polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Paracetamol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbours are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
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'OLD' IS WHEN
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN
Your spouse offers you super s**, and you reply, "I'll have the soup."

'OLD' IS WHEN
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.

(I wrote this in large type so you can read it.)